Dear Dr. Dave and Dr. Dee,
My husband suddenly decided to color his gray hair and bought a new wardrobe. Do you think these are signs that he is having an affair?
If he gives you no other reasons to be concerned, then his attention to his appearance could be nothing more than a boost to his ego, not a sign of an affair.
Normally, men who commit adultery have a pattern of behavior changes. Ruth Houston is the author of "Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs." In brief, below are Houston's 21 major categories for detecting an affair (see Houston in amazon.com).
21 WARNING SIGNS OF AN AFFAIR:
1. PHYSICAL APPEARANCE - 76 telltale signs: If he embarks on a drastic self-induced makeover, it's probably not for you.
2. HOW HE RELATES TO YOU - 70 telltale signs: His involvement with another woman will cause him to treat you differently - even on a subconscious level.
3. CONVERSATIONAL CLUES - 70 telltale signs: He may mention new people, places and things, while the people, places and things he normally talks about are no longer a part of his conversation.
4. WORK HABITS - 39 telltale signs: Work is commonly used as an excuse to account for large blocks of time away from home.
5. DAY-TO-DAY BEHAVIOR - 92 telltale signs: A man who is cheating will display changes of some kind in his normal patterns of behavior. Pay close attention to any deviations in your husband�s daily routine.
6. FINANCIAL AFFAIRS - 52 telltale signs: Affairs cost money. If your husband has a lover, he'll want to wine her, dine her, entertain her and buy her occasional gifts.
7. TRAVEL - 27 telltale signs: Travel affords a cheating unfaithful husband a unique opportunity to cheat away from prying eyes.
8. PERSONALITY OR BEHAVIORAL CHANGES - 36 telltale signs:
Be alert for changes in your husband�s attitude, personality or behavior.
9. ABSENCES - 39 telltale signs: Affairs generally require a considerable amount of time.
10. TELEPHONE TIP-OFFS - 76 telltale signs: Many men take the risk of calling their lovers from home or having their lovers call them at home.
11. CAR CLUES - 40 telltale signs: Your husband's (or the family) car can be a rich source of telltale signs.
12. SEX - 37 telltale signs: Be alert for any type of changes in the frequency or the quality of your sex life together. Most important of all: If you suspect your husband of having an affair, take steps to protect yourself. Do not put yourself at risk for HIV/AIDS, herpes or e other sexually transmitted diseases.
13. EATING HABITS - 31 telltale signs: Without even realizing it, he may develop a preference for the type of food she eats, the way she likes her food prepared or the kind of restaurants in which she likes to eat.
14. SMELLS AND TASTES - 21 telltale signs: Pay close attention if your husband smells or tastes different, or if something in your home or car just doesn't smell right.
15. INVASION OF YOUR HOME - 22 telltale signs: It's not uncommon for a man who's cheating to invite his lover to his home. When this happens, it's not unheard of for lovers to leave personal items behind - sometimes deliberately, for an unsuspecting wife to find.
16. GIFTS - 19 telltale signs: During the holidays and various other times throughout the year, you may find gifts or cards hidden around your home or in the car.
17. COMPUTER USE - 30 telltale signs: It's common these days for a cheating husband to use e-mail to communicate with his lover. Some of the telltale signs in this category may also be an indication of his involvement in an online or cyber affair.
18. CELL PHONES AND PAGERS/BEEPERS - 28 telltale signs: Today's technological advances make it easier for a husband to cheat on his wife.
19. PHYSICAL EVIDENCE - 32 telltale signs: Many times there's physical evidence just waiting to be found.
20. HIS BEHAVIOR AROUND OTHER WOMEN - 71 telltale signs: If you're observant, you may be able to determine the identity of your husband�s lover by the way he behaves in her presence, or by how she behaves around him.
21. ACCIDENTAL SLIPS-UPS OR DISCLOSURES - 57 telltale signs: An accidental slip-up on his part or on the part of someone else can clue you in to what's been happening behind your back.
For more information, see Houston in www.amazon.com