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Relationship Should Begin With Friendship

Dear Dr. Dave and Dr. Dee,

I need advice on what decision to make. My best friend told a cute guy in my class that I liked him, and he thought I was cute, too. Via my best friend, we exchanged email addresses and wrote each other, though we never talked in class. One day, my best friend dragged me up to where he was sitting by himself at a basketball game, and we talked. After that, we started talking in class. Then, we went around together, he hugged and kissed me, sent me love poems, and said he loved me.

Then one day he started acting weird. He said he was confused, and wrote me that he wanted to be friends only and not have a relationship. My friends talked to him and he said he was sorry, but he felt better being my friend.

I heard these two girls talking about how he likes a different girl every week. He did write me online saying there was a girl that was stalking him and he wanted to meet her.

Is he trying to get me jealous? I really miss him and still like him a lot. Do you think I can do anything about it?



Dear Confused,

It sounds like the two of you were "pushed" together by your best friend, rather than meeting and getting to know each other on your own terms. When a relationship begins too quickly, the initial chemistry and interest soon disappears because there isn't any substance to hold the relationship together. Substance in a relationship begins with friendship. Friendship is mutual respect, caring, communicating, and being kind, considerate, and thoughtful.

Your "boyfriend" does not have the qualities of a true friend. Therefore, he will not be able to commit to the relationship. Take this as a learning experience, and forget about him as a boyfriend. Just be a friend. As time passes, you will find your feelings about him as a boyfriend will change. Also, in the future, communicate directly with the person, not through friends. You will be wiser going into the next relationship.