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Low Libido May Have Many Reasons

Dear Dr. Dave and Dr. Dee,

I have grown tired of the lack of energy, desire, and passion displayed by my wife. Our 16-year marriage has had its bumps in the road like anyone else but I'm close to saying "no more." Don't get me wrong, she can be quite energetic when she wants to, maybe once every 6-8 weeks. We each work full time, and I do the bulk of housecleaning, laundry, dinners, and homework checking, but I'm ready for something most nights. I don't expect it though and I don't force it either. I have been angry, frustrated, disgusted; now I'm getting resigned to the situation although I don't want to accept that this is how the rest of my sexual life will be. The rest of our relationship ranges from adequate to very good.



Dear Frustrated,

Lack of sexual desire can vary for many reasons from a medical or physical problem to psychological or stress problems. If you haven't expressed your frustration to your wife, you need to discuss it now.

If your wife has been to the doctor and she's in good health, then her lack of libido may be due to exhaustion or stress. You both work full-time, plus it sounds like you have one or more children to take care of. Is your wife's job stressful, does she bring her work home? How the two of you relate to each other on a day-to-day basis. Do you communicate with each other daily? Do you listen to her? Or, are your lives so busy and stressed that you rarely sit down and just talk? Also, women need "romance" before sex such as a simple hug and kiss at various times throughout the day. Say nice things to her. Hire a babysitter, and have an evening together without the children.

If none of the above works, then outside help is needed. Your being ready for divorce over sex, when you feel that the relationship is adequate to very good otherwise, doesn't sound like you both communicate very well. It would be helpful to get marriage counseling to help with the communication as well as deal with any other issues that arise.