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Adolescents and Sexual Identity

Dear Dr. Dave and Dr. Dee,

I'm 14, female, and I'm bisexual. I fell in love with this girl, and I can't stop thinking about her. I really hope you could help me out because there's no one else I could turn to and get advice. I'm afraid all my friends would ignore me if I told them the truth. My crush would be moving in 2 years time. Should I tell her the truth before she leaves?



Dear Help,

Bisexuality is defined as romantic and sexual feelings for persons of both genders.

Same sex crushes are typical for both heterosexual and homosexual young people, and do not necessarily indicate a homosexual identity. As young people enter their teenage years they become more aware of their sexual selves.

Many people wonder about their sexual identities, and this is a normal part of development. Past experiments with people of the same sex do not necessarily imply that you are gay. Our sexuality develops over time. The teen years are a time of figuring out what works for you. Over time, you'll find that you're drawn mostly to males or females, or both, but don't label yourself today.

Right now, just be a friend to your "crush". In fact, have lots of friends, and don't be involved intimately with anyone. Remember, "friendships last forever". Hang out with your "crush" and other friends, do well in school, study hard, and don't worry about your sexual orientation for now.

After a few more years, if you think you're bisexual, don't be afraid of it, and don't hide your feelings from yourself. But, unfortunately, our world is still full of ignorance, fear, and hate against other races, ethnicities, religions, or anyone seen as "different". You need to be fully aware, ready, and careful as you "come out" and find support in people you can trust. If there is no one close to you that you can trust, such as family members or friends, find a support group in the community. You are not alone and there are many people who can help.